She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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