You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
