She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
