You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
