You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
