4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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