Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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