hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
