is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
