Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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