look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
