Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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