if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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