i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
