Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
