I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
