Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
