Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
