i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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