i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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