I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
