I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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