I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
