ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
