Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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