my mouth tastes like poor choices
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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