Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize