It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
