I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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