We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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