can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
