Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
