i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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