It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
