Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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