I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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