This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
