Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
