just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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