found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
