If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
