I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
