What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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