The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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