i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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