This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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