So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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