I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize