Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
