I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
