I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
