tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
