You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't think brook has ever known best
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
