dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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