there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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