Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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