I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize