i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
