You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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