passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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