I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
