my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
