I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.