Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night