I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
