I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
