you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
