My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.