Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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