remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
